I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
bring money and cleavage
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
