I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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