You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
