I'm gonna have a badass scar
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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