i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
we're chasing vodka with high fives
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
