Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
