Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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