Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
