May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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