I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
