So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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