My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize