I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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