That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
