if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
