I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
