he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
