I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
40s are totally the cure
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
