you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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