I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
