my room smells like sperm. sweet.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
