yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
