OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize