i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
40s are totally the cure
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
