Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
