I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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