well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize