Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize