You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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