i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
