...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
