my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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