it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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