bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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