The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
