Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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