From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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