Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
