are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Randomize
