It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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