I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize