Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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