I hate all girls vehemently.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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