Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
