Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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