you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
