you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
