His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
