my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
