i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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