someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
