well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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