I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
