the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
