I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
