I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize