my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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