Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
