Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize