Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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