Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
