Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
