My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
