How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
