only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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