If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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