and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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