Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
