Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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