So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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