I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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