Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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