She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
