Say something about gay babies.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
