The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
