His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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