I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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