I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she looked like the before picture.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Couch. On fire.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
