that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
you had me at cake vodka
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
