arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
