i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
