she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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