i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
