Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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