She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The Olympian is in my bed
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
