bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
