I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
