This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
