New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
