it hurts more in the daytime
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
