i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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