bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
