Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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