That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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