I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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