Where is the hickey?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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