don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
