my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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