Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize