just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
