R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
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