There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
