I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have already put on my inside pants.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
