I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
