Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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