I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize