i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
