Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Randomize
