you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
