If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
